mommy, please make it stop

Ah yes, now I remember why I'm a Ford guy....cause I don't like working on Chevys....Ford's work my way...which is a bit off kilter, so we're good. Chevy's work the way they should...which isn't right. So my brother-in-law and I are tryin to get an '84 S-10 back to running order. Been two weeks now, and what have we (I hesitate to use this word, as I'm doing very little work on this stupid truck) gotten done in 14 days? Pulled the old 2.8 motor out, and put in another 2.8 motor...and just today does it run. How sad is that? This makes me look bad, but I must tell you....I'm letting him do the bulk of the work for a reason, mostly to prove a point, that he doesn't know shit about what he's doing. And let me tell you this...everything I've done is wrong, everything that is wrong I did...and everything that is right, he did. At least that's how he thinks.

So I guess it was Tuesday we got the motor in the truck, doesn't run of course. Well, you either have no spark, no fuel, or the timing is off. Of course we're getting fuel, HE put the fuel filter in....nevermind the fact that he thinks that you can't put it in backwards (the kind with one end closed off that mounts there at the carb). We've got spark, cause he got shocked. OK, so timing is off. Easy fix...right? remove #1 plug, feel for compression, bring piston to TDC by watching for the timing mark, remove the distributor cap to find which way to rotor is pointing, replace cap and install the wires in the proper firing order....right? People been doing that for years on many motors....But that way is bunk. Doesn't work. Stick a screwdriver in the plug hole and watch it till it stops moving up, TDC, right? Yes, but on which stroke? Exhuast or ignition? You have no idea. Pull the cap, do the wires...button it up....blow-back through the carb....guess what, you got the wrong TDC. Which I said...."make sure you're not firing on the exhuast stroke". Three days later bro-in-law comes to the same conclusion.

Hmmm, all the above is fine and dandy if you know which way the rotor rotates and the firing order. So I look it all up online...find the firing order to be 1-2-3-4-5-6?! Odd, yes...but it is a Chevy. Finding which way the rotor rotates is no biggie...remove the cap and bump the motor...problem solved. Lets not try that till the second day, shall we? And the firing order HAS to be wrong...NO engine is 1-6 in order.........at least that's what all his buddies say, what he thinks--er knows--, and besides, I rely too much on books and computers to tell me what to do. Regardless of the fact that I use neither (except for electrical-wire color tracing mainly) when working on cars...everything I know my father taught me. Well guess what the firing order is? Have you guessed it yet? 1-2-3-4-5-6. Very good. Where did my brother in law find this knowledge? From the $12 book he went out and bought today. Hypocrite? Indeed.

OK, so.....the rant continues. Finally after buying a book today, finding out the 'proper' firing order, how to find TDC on the ignition stroke, how to reset the distributor if the crank has been turned with the distributor removed, and several other things....the motor finally fires off. I still think it was mostly luck, as the way he found TDC was using one of the three timing marks on the balancer....Chevy's suck. So any who, the motor is running. But whats that classic rod knock you hear? Could it be rods? Nope....exhuast leak. So he thinks. Even though I said it could either be bad oil pick-up, or a bad bearing. Lets go to the book! (Which, lets remind you, I rely on too much...his words). Hmmmm, what does the book say? Clogged oil strainer on the oil pump....yes indeedy...bad oil pick up. The book makes no mention of rods, bearings, or anything in the crank case. Even though this noise is clearly crankcase derived...a long screwdriver on the oil pan and to my ear confirms that the crankcase is louder then Rage in concert. Hand bro-in-law the screwdriver to listen...he doesn't know how to use it to listen...and is convinced it's exhuast. Fast foward a few hours to when my father gets home. I barley even have to turn the motor over for him to hear the knocking and diagnose it as bad rods. Note the S. Ever see that Quaker State commercial with two white Taraus's on a rolling dyno, and the one guy falls asleep and dreams about that hot assistant in the lab coat? And racing a heads-up drag race with her as the flag girl? Remeber the noise the motor in the car w/o Quaker State was making right before it dies? Now you know what the S-10 sounds like. Motor shouldn't even be running in fear of ruining the crank or throwing a bearing and seizing the motor....much less be ran for say 20 mins straight and constantly being revved up to near full throttle....

So what does this all mean? First off, I know nothing about fixing an engine, or cars in general. That I rely too much on books and computers. Everything wrong is my fault. What else? I forget....but it also means that the motor will have to be pulled out and the bottom end --at least-- rebuilt. Can you guess what else? Starting on Sunday, I won't be working on the S-10...I've got a laundry list of things to do to the Ranger before Friday/Saturday at the latest. Up shit creek? Not me.

OK, rant over, continue on with your lives. At least I feel a little better.